Whether you choose to have sex or not, it is important to be able to talk about it. Having direct conversations about sex can be uncomfortable but it does get easier if you are confident about your facts. When it comes to sex, good communication is important, with friends, health care providers, parents and family, as well as with your partner(s).

If you are going to have sex, it’s important for you to talk things over first. You should discuss topics like your sexual boundaries and how to protect yourself. Talking about STIs is an important part of this conversation. Remember, though, that since others can’t always be accurate about their STI status - using condoms and/or a dental dam is very important.

If you have an STI, it’s good to be honest. Not only will it help you take the right precautions to protect your health and your partner’s health - by either abstaining from intercourse until an outbreak is over or practicing safer sex - it also shows your partner that you care about and respect him or her. Chances are, your partner will appreciate your truthfulness and reciprocate, and such honesty may even strengthen the emotional bond between you.

Here are some tips that professionals offer about how to talk about sex with your partner:

• Choose a time and place that’s relaxed and comfortable before you get intimate
• Start the conversation on a positive note - for example, by telling your partner that you really care for him or her and that’s why you want to discuss something important.
• Make sure to express your needs from a personal perspective - this will help put your partner at ease
• Be clear, honest and open about your desires, your likes and dislikes
• Pay attention to your partner’s responses, and take his/her feelings into consideration
• If you are disclosing hat you have an STI, keep it simple and just give the facts about symptoms, treatment, how the disease is spread, and how you can protect each other. This is a difficult conversation that will likely stir up a lot of emotions, but try to think of it as simply sharing vital information. Then give your partner some time and space to digest the news.  With time, most people take the news pretty well and don’t let it stand in the way of the relationship. (And if they don’t take it well, it’s better to find out before the relationship goes too far.) With everything that’s been learned in recent years about STIs and their transmission, it’s entirely possible for people with an STI to have a satisfying sex life without passing the infection to their partners.

This conversation may be a little awkward, but most people will understand that you’re only looking out for your health and theirs. Also, if you’re sure you want to have sex with someone, you may want to use this conversation to initiate sex. Just be firm and prepared, and make sure that you leave yourself an opening to delay or call of sex if your partner is unwilling to meet your requests.

Remember, worrying about pregnancy or infection is one of the biggest desire killers, so let your partner know that taking precautions will only help you get into it more...which will almost certainly make it better for them too.

Adapted from MTV’s, It’s Your (Sex) Life & sexualityandu.ca